TGISB--Thank God it's Spring Break. At this point the semester is 50% done and I am about 100% fed up with school. I don't need to be a math major to know that these numbers don't work. Right now the seniorits is stronger than glass of punch spiked with Everclear, and I'm not completely sure how I'm going to make it through the rest of the year. I'll cross that bridge when I get to the canyon and have to build it though.
For the past few weeks I have been battling what I assumed was just a terrible case of senioritis (and some possible sinusitis); however, a few days ago I realized that perhaps it was a bit more than that. I recently got back on some medicine to deal with a hormonal imbalance, and I don't think it's really kicked in yet. When I'm off of it I constantly battle depression and mood swings. I think that I was going through another phase of that.
I started not wanting to do any of my school work, which came as no surprise to me, but then I started feeling very detached from my life. I wasn't able to connect with my friends anymore, and a new mantra started running through my head: "I want a new life." I knew that was a ridiculous thought, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I had an overwhelming desire to cut everything and leave without finishing school or saying goodbye to anyone. I didn't want to do any activities except run (literally), but because of my knee, I wasn't able to do that.
I was really low. Usually, when I start feeling negative, I try to battle it with positivity; however, it wasn't working this time. I listed things I was grateful for and tried thinking good thoughts. That was less fruitful than toxic waste swamp in a drought. Finally, I just gave up and let myself wallow. I took a friends dog on a walk and just pet him and let myself break down for a while. I even asked one of my friends to holds the unofficial therapist job for our social group and asked for a "therapy session," which we scheduled for the next day.
I usually don't see the point of going and talking to someone about these things, because I know what I need to do in order to help myself, and I am very self-aware. It turns out, what I needed to do was just let myself go and acknowledge what I was going through without trying to fight it. I gave myself the evening to do that, and then I was so over this whole depression thing. I resolved to start exercising again the next morning and do rehab exercises for my knee so that in a few months I can run again.
I woke up with resolve I haven't felt in a while. I needed that low moment so that I had some drive to do what I need to do for my physical and mental health. I don't want to live like that, so I need to do something about it. The new mantra running through my head is "I'm not going to let this beat me." I won't.
I guess what I learned from the whole experience is that wallowing has a time and place; it can be useful if used in very small doses--like how eating Velveeta makes you realize how good real cheese tastes.
As for running away--it's spring break, so I get to spend some time at home with my Mom and sister. I think I needed to get out of Hays.
Glad to be home,
Rachel
For the past few weeks I have been battling what I assumed was just a terrible case of senioritis (and some possible sinusitis); however, a few days ago I realized that perhaps it was a bit more than that. I recently got back on some medicine to deal with a hormonal imbalance, and I don't think it's really kicked in yet. When I'm off of it I constantly battle depression and mood swings. I think that I was going through another phase of that.
I started not wanting to do any of my school work, which came as no surprise to me, but then I started feeling very detached from my life. I wasn't able to connect with my friends anymore, and a new mantra started running through my head: "I want a new life." I knew that was a ridiculous thought, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I had an overwhelming desire to cut everything and leave without finishing school or saying goodbye to anyone. I didn't want to do any activities except run (literally), but because of my knee, I wasn't able to do that.
I was really low. Usually, when I start feeling negative, I try to battle it with positivity; however, it wasn't working this time. I listed things I was grateful for and tried thinking good thoughts. That was less fruitful than toxic waste swamp in a drought. Finally, I just gave up and let myself wallow. I took a friends dog on a walk and just pet him and let myself break down for a while. I even asked one of my friends to holds the unofficial therapist job for our social group and asked for a "therapy session," which we scheduled for the next day.
I usually don't see the point of going and talking to someone about these things, because I know what I need to do in order to help myself, and I am very self-aware. It turns out, what I needed to do was just let myself go and acknowledge what I was going through without trying to fight it. I gave myself the evening to do that, and then I was so over this whole depression thing. I resolved to start exercising again the next morning and do rehab exercises for my knee so that in a few months I can run again.
I woke up with resolve I haven't felt in a while. I needed that low moment so that I had some drive to do what I need to do for my physical and mental health. I don't want to live like that, so I need to do something about it. The new mantra running through my head is "I'm not going to let this beat me." I won't.
I guess what I learned from the whole experience is that wallowing has a time and place; it can be useful if used in very small doses--like how eating Velveeta makes you realize how good real cheese tastes.
As for running away--it's spring break, so I get to spend some time at home with my Mom and sister. I think I needed to get out of Hays.
Glad to be home,
Rachel
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